ShoutyBear: Politics. Foreign Affairs. Zarf.

As expected, I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby has been disbarred in Washington, D.C., leaving him ineligible to practice law here until at least 2012. Considering Libby relied on a private defense fund to pay the legal bills for his perjury and obstruction trial, it’s a safe guess that he’ll need to explore career options over the next four years.

Maybe some of the people who raised funds for Libby, including Mary Matalin and Fred Thompson, will have some jobs leads for him. After all, they raised a reported $3 million-plus for Vice President Dick Cheney’s former top aide. The legal fund didn’t save Libby from conviction (though President Bush kept him out of jail), nor did it spare him $250,000 in fines (though it came in handy, for sure).

Unfortunately for Libby, the economy is tanking along with his career prospects. It’s a crappy time to be unemployed. Then again, Americans are a resourceful people (or so the politicians tell us). According to one career newsletter, the average working American will have three to five careers before s/he retires.

So what’s a 57-year-old disbarred former presidential chief of staff to do? If there’s one company that will stay afloat during these rough economic times, it’s Wal-Mart. (Keep those killer toys coming, China!) Perhaps Libby could be a greeter?

Clearly, I don’t have a career in Photoshop, and that’s just fine by me. Anyway, one company that finds itself painted into a corner of its own making is Starbucks. Rattled Americans are already clamping down on spending, and Starbucks’ executives are bracing for a stretch of drooping sales.

In business, there’s a winner for every loser, and the winner here may just be Dunkin’ Donuts, the coffee chain of the proletariat. Dunkin’ Donuts is actually expanding operations here in the Beltway and farther-flung locales like Michigan,
and recently promoted its line of espresso-based beverages for 99 cents a cup. The downturn of the economy is ripe for a Dunkin’ Donuts revival, Mr. Libby. Might you consider dipping your toe into a franchise?

Btw, Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, you might want to take some notes here. Libby was disbarred because he violated Lawyer Rule No. 1: Don’t lie under oath. You apparently did that when you covered up your affair with a former aide. Worse, you put your city through an unnecessary trial that cost the taxpayers $9 million. It will be difficult for a judge or jury to look upon you with mercy, is all I’m saying. Enjoy that law license while you can.

Kilpatrick will learn on Monday whether he will face charges, the Detroit Free Press reports.