ShoutyBear: Politics. Foreign Affairs. Zarf.

Virginia Sen. Jim Webb, the Democrat whom Republicans fear getting stuck in an elevator with, is making the rounds on funny ha-ha talk shows to promote his new book, “A Time To Fight: Reclaiming a Fair and Just America.”

The former Reagan Navy secretary isn’t exactly known for his sense of humor, unless if by ”sense of humor” you mean when he laughs you better f—king join him. When I met him for an interview a couple of years ago, the very first words out of his mouth were a grim, “So I understand you used to work for FOX.” I closed my eyes and waited for him to extract my kidneys with one jab of his pointed fist.

In a guest appearance last weekend on NPR’s “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me” — one of my favorite quiz shows because I always know the answers — we learn Webb has three tattoos. OK, not surprising since the guy fought in Vietnam and those military types enjoy the ink. (John McCain gets a pass here owing to his imprisonment, Chuck Hagel yes please, and John Kerry oh dear God no.) But then we learn more than we ever wanted to learn about Webb’s body — or as in my case, just enough. (That America’s Heroes calendar is a fixture on my living room wall. Shut up.)

Asked what his tattoos are, Webb replies, “You want to know that, you’ll just have to catch me at the beach sometime.”

“If you’re in a swimsuit we’ll be able to see at least one of them?”

“If I’m in a swimsuit you’ll be able to see two.”

YOWZA. Webb is also apparently aware of the meaning of “tramp stamp,” which— you’ll just have to listen for yourself.

Now that we’re here, Webb’s status as media darling means he automatically gets to play in the MSM’s veepstakes. Slate’s Tim Noah thinks it would be a terrible idea for Barack Obama to invite Webb on as a running mate, and while I don’t disagree with the conclusion I disagree with the reasoning. Webb’s greatest weaknesses here are his newness to the Senate, his relatively scant governing experience and inexperience with foreign diplomacy. I doubt bringing up Webb’s old, less-than-enlightened writings will do him much damage, just as they didn’t kill his chances when he snatched George Allen’s seat in 2006.

Of course, part of the problem with the Allen camp using those writings against him was that it required a presumption that Allen himself was somehow more enlightened. No-go there. The fact remains that the military is a much different social sphere from what we civilians consider the real world. A fellow military man like John McCain would be foolish to go after Webb on that one.

Even if Webb were to make it onto the ticket, would a Vice President Webb be so awful? Sure, he’s an intimidating guy to work with, but I haven’t heard anything about him actually being cruel. And an ability to goad political foes is not a talent Obama has exhibited — tiny Joe Lieberman aside. So in that sense maybe Webb would be a good addition. As President Bush knows very well, it never hurts to have a bulldog at your side.